Surviving Half-Time

A short while ago, I mentioned in a post that I would share about my mid-life crisis & how I survived it. Now is the time.

Most people go through mid-life crises at some point in their lives. Just early this year, I prayed for 2 of my friends who are at the crossroads of their lives. I have also talked to friends who shared about their desires to do something meaningful apart from what they have been doing all this while. It's almost like the awakening of something within, rather than the onset of some external factors, although the latter may trigger this awakening.

While countless books have been written about this topic, most people go through life without giving much thought to this, especially when they are doing well in what they are doing. Schools don't teach you anything more than is necessary to help you start your career, while churches don't prepare you like they do for your marriage. Maybe the government does try to do something along the lines of life-long learning, but surviving mid-life is not quite the same as staying employable after 40 years of age.

Mid-life is all about soul-searching and re-aligning our focus for something worthwhile. It goes beyond achieving success in what we do. I will not go into the heavy (but essential) stuff as many good books are readily available. If you do not know where to start, I strongly recommend that you make time over a couple of weekends to read Half Time by Bob Buford.

My mid-life soul-searching happened way before I was given the book Half Time by my former boss and mentor, Lee Meng. I have seen much success in my IT career, considering that I started my career without any IT qualification, and did not pick up a single IT certification over the years. Throughout my career, I have been given excellent opportunities and exposure that propelled me higher and higher in my career track, & I could see myself moving away from IT into business processes in a rather natural fashion. It was wonderful while it lasted, but I was also beginning to feel a sense of emptiness.

At the start of 2004, I had a dream which resulted in my writing a letter to my father. I have never written a letter to my father, beyond those I wrote dutifully to update him and mom when I was posted overseas during my National Service days, but the dream was so compelling that I wasted no time in doing so. In the letter, I said what I needed to say, and also told him that we love him dearly.

One month later, I bought tickets for my whole family to accompany my father on his yearly trip back to his hometown in Malaysia. The last time I followed my father to Malaysia was more than 20 years ago as a teenager. It was a homecoming of sorts for me, but it was even more special for my father. His annual pilgrimage has been a lonely & low-profile affair. Now with his eldest son, daughter-in-law, 2 granddaughters, as well as my mum and brother in tow, he was beaming with joy and pride throughout the whole trip. It was a trip that transformed our relationship with my father. We became much closer as a result.

This, my friends, was the start of my mid-life soul searching. I began to suspect and realize that success and money cannot give as much joy to our loved ones as the time and effort we put in for them, and I noted that it was something I want to continue doing for the rest of my life. It became a guiding principle in all that I do.

Later that same year, for the very first time, I attended the family camp at the church which I have worshipped for the last 15 years. I received a message that I was struggling in a tent, and that God has opened a hole in the top of the tent, reaching down to pull me out. It confirmed a desire which I have been toying with without much action. It was a desire to help the deaf community, of which I am a part. As a person with profound deafness, I belonged to the deaf community. Yet as a person living as full a life as any hearing person, I have had little opportunity to work with and help the deaf, many of whom have been marginalised in more ways than one. I took a bold step forward by registering as a volunteer with The Singapore Association for the Deaf. It's been almost a year since, and I have not looked back with regrets. "People first" also became a guiding principle, and is really closely related to the first principle of loving my loved ones with actions & being there for them. It is an extension of love to my neighbours, those outside of my immediate circle of loved ones, and one of these groups of people happen to be the deaf.

In church, I moved on from children ministry to Sunday School teaching. It isnt' exactly my forte as I am more at ease clowning & performing illusion tricks than teaching in Sunday School, but I could see why I am in this ministry. Through the earlier years of working with children, God has placed a burden in my heart for the children of our generation. Children are like seeds that we plant now. We need to nurture, water & prune them painstakingly so that they will rise up as the next generation of worthy people. Children, as you can see, are also a special group of people I reach out to, under the preceding principle.

Most of these changes stem from some burdens that I felt in my heart. I believe God has placed them there as markers, showing me precisely where to tread.

Embracing these changes also meant a change in my career, which wasn't unexpected. I was at a crossroad wondering whether I should move onto the next level, which would be the senior management or executive level, or do something else. The former is a natural and easy choice, but it would also mean a more career-focused lifestyle which would have little room for any of the above. I should know because I was already clocking an average of 14 hours per day on the job, and often worked into the early hours of the morning. I took a time-out to think & pray about what God wanted me to do. I tried my hand at doing business, followed by a regional sales job, but none of these was to be. At the exact moment, God gave me a senior management and regional IT role with an international Christian organization. I fit in instantly and nicely, and I knew right away that it's in line with God's plan for me. With this, I was able to focus on the new priorities in life without throwing away whatever gifts God has given & built in me over the last 15 years as an IT professional.

Looking back, I believe mid-life crises are designed to re-align us, often nudging us out of our comfort zone. Most of us start and live life according to some pre-established plan, often dictated by the state of the economic, political & social development of the country one lives in. These are not unimportant things per se, but they often cloud our view of life itself. The plan that we start with fresh out of school is often designed just for career building; and over time, as we move through different stages in life, this plan needs to be updated. Whether these updates happen mid-life, quad-life, or late-life, we need to prepare for such re-alignment of focus, and embrace the changes that come from it. Only then can we achieve excellence in the second half, and live it without regrets.

May God bless you,
Thomas
Category: cf_tht