Hole in one

I couldn't resist blogging about this.

Exactly one week ago, the grand old icon of Singapore, the merlion, was struck by lightning for the very first time in over 30 years. It's appalling that such a security lapse actually happened in our city state. After all, this fellow has been spitting into the Singapore River in full view of the public for 3 long decades. Had the Home Team acted earlier, Mr. Merlion would have been safe behind bars instead of being whacked in the head by a wayward lightning (see picture below). "Why?", you asked me.



Firstly, spitting is an offence punishable by fine up to $2,000.

Secondly, Mr. Merlion was performing without a public entertainment licence, an offence that attracts a jail sentence.

Thirdly, he was stark naked, and still is. Remember how fast the Home Team responded when a naked couple was sighted in Holland Village some weeks back?

But of course, it helps that Mr. Merlion is an iconic figure like no others, a little like Steve Jobs is to Apple. Besides immediate attention to control and repair the damage, fengshui masters have been busy making predictions of what this means for Singapore. Some say this is an
"ignition of wealth", a sign of good things to come, especially when the damage could have been worse. Indeed, our merlion was lucky to have escaped with just a little bruise. Imagine the more horrid scenario of the head being lopped off. Ew! Gross!

Anyway, we positive Singaporeans like to see the bright side of things. Yes, it's a positive sign, one that fittingly ushers in the Marina Sands IR due later this year with a bang (pardon the pun). Now that the Singapore Flyer is once again spinning, and the merlion may get a little lightning rod, elevating it to the status of a merlionicorn (merlion + unicorn), the equivalent of Yokozuna for sumo wrestlers, hey, it's sunny days once more, Singaporeans.

Thank you, Merlion. And in the midst of all the economic doom and gloom, you, the lightning and the fengshui masters have provided a much needed, almost comic, relief.

Thomas

Head of the household

Just last Sunday, my wife Veron was asking 6-year-old Rachel, the younger of our two girls, to take her afternoon nap. As she got permission from me earlier not to take her nap, she asked aloud, "I thought Papa is the head of this household?". Woah! Woe if I say "Yes", and woe if I say "No". Then she came & nudged me, "Papa, you are the head of this household, you must decide".

Thankfully, Veron came and told her in an authoritative tone, "Yes, Papa is the head of this household, but I am the head of your bedroom. So I say you should take a nap now." That settled the storm.

Thank God for the wise wife.

Thomas

Sleepy in Singapore, Sleepless in Atlanta

Boy, I wish I could sleep like this man. Took this shot on the MRT when I was still in Singapore some weeks ago.

It's 4am, and a cold drizzly night in Atlanta. Here I am, like Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan ala Sleepless in Seattle. Only the location is different :D

Anyway, for those who are sleeping, sweet dreams.

Ultra high-yield investment opportunity

This is an excellent opportunity for all who wish to invest and maximize the returns on their investment. It certainly beats putting money in savings account or any other investment plan, regardless of the portfolios these plans are made up of. Historically, this plan has yielded more than 1000% on one occasion, and close to 600% on another occasion, all within minutes of the investment being made. Both occasions are recorded officially on publicly available documents for verification. Countless others, including me, have attested to similarly fantastic results.

What is this plan all about? Is it legal? Can I participate in this? All these, and more questions answered below.

Frequently asked questions

1. What plan is this & is it legal in the country where I live?

Ans: There isn't any official name for this plan, but I would call it the "Loaves and Fishes Mutual Fund", issued and owned exclusively by God. It's legal anywhere in this world, even on Mars and Venus if you live there, unless you happen to live in No.1 Hades Boulevard, Republic of Sheol.

2. Who is the Fund Manager?

Ans: Jesus Christ, the only begotten Son of God.

3. What does this fund invest in?

Ans: Unlike all other funds that invest in securities, equities, money markets, etc, this unique fund invests in what is ultimately important to the investor/participants - life itself. Imagine being rich and dead, bleah!

4. How does this fund generate returns?

Ans: Unlike all other funds which depend on how well the investment portfolio performs, this fund entrusts invested resources in the hands of the Almighty God, who has since day one of this world, created, owned and multiplied resources on this earth zillion upon zillion times. Every other fund in this world pales in comparison to this unique and all-encompassing fund.

5. What is the minimum investment capital?

Ans: There is no minimum investment capital, and it's not limited to mammon. You can invest anything you have been blessed with - talents, skills, time, non-monetary resources, etc. However, you need to invest all that you have in order to take part in this plan. No loose change or left-over resources accepted (SPCA & other charities will gladly accept them, however).

6. How do I cash out my returns? Do I get to keep all of them?

Ans: You get your returns as & when they are generated. Returns may come in the form of material blessings, peace, joy, wisdom, love, health, spiritual gifts, etc. However, as this is a unique fund that invests in life, the returns are not confined to you; others who may not have invested anything beyond being present will receive something as well. In fact, the only reason why the returns are so fantastic is due to something called "love". Love unlocks the selfish nature of all other investments, releases the invested resources fully to God, and lets Him multiply them freely and as He desires, to bless you and others.

You can't keep what isn't yours in the first place. You enjoy what you have been blessed with, and share your blessings with others. It's a lot more meaningful that way. After all, do you own the water that you drink or the air that you breathe? Do you own the beautiful blue sky, the deep blue sea, or the warm sunshine? No, God owns it and He has meant it for all to enjoy. If you want an investment that benefits you exclusively, if you haven't learnt why it's more blessed to give than to receive, then this isn't for you, but first, you may want to read this before you look to other funds.

When you have been blessed materially, remember to pay your taxes and tithes. Give to Caesar what is Caesar's and give to God what is God's.

7. How do I start investing in this fund? Is there an age limit?

Ans: Well, firstly, you need to open an account. Anyone, young or old, rich or poor, male or female, can open an account anytime and anywhere. The only possible exceptions are residents of Sheol (see answer to Q1). Then start investing. It's that simple.

8. Can I stop investing if I want to?

Ans: Yes, you can, but frankly, anyone who has invested in this plan will not opt out if they truly see the meaning of it.

Happy investing!

Thomas

Say that again?

4-year old Rachel was watching TV when she asked me, "Papa, how to (turn) on (the volume) louder?"

I showed her which button to press on the remote control.

She pressed the button with the remote control facing away from the TV, and nothing happened.

I said, "No, no, no, Rachel, you must point at the TV and press."

She promptly pointed her right-index finger at the TV and pressed the button with her left finger, the remote control still facing away from the TV.

How important is it to say what we mean clearly? You decide for yourself.

May God bless you and have a nice day :)

Thomas

Freeware: Spirito Santo version 1.00 (Download today!)

Have you ever tried to understand God and failed? Do the things of God seem like foolishness to you? Then you need Spirito Santo version 1.00.

Availability & Price
Widely available since the Day of the Pentecost, Spirito Santo, Italian for Holy Spirit, is freeware licensed under The Book of Luke. Chapter 11 Verse 13 says "If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!". Before the Day of the Pentecost, it was available at no cost but only to selected users.

Order
To get it, there's no need to click any button or call any toll-free line; just open your mouth and ask the publisher. Look up Revelations 1:8 to contact the publisher.

System Requirements
You do not need the latest operating system to run Spirito Santo, and no state-of-the-art hardware is needed, unlike Windows XP or worse, Windows Vista. Spirito Santo installs straight into your body, for the installation guide says in 1 Corinthians 6:19 that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. As long as you have a body, and you know Jesus Christ as your personal saviour, you can install Spirito Santo.

Installation
Installation is a breeze. You don't even need a floppy or CDROM drive, or an internet connection to install. May take a few seconds (as in the case of the early Christians) or longer. Do not switch (or doze) off while installation is in progress. Flames may be visible in some cases; do not be alarmed. Visibly changed after installation; if not, re-install.

Using Spirito Santo
Once installed, you will be able to able to understand the deep things of God, for it says here in the user manual 1 Corinthians 2:9-14

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"— but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit.

The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words.

The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.

Warranty
Lifetime, implied, express and otherwise.

Bonus Pack
Users of Spirito Santo are entitled to a bonus collection of the following power tools:

1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self-control

Check out the Bonus Pack flier in Galatians 5:22-23 if you don't believe me.

So, what are you waiting for? Get Spirito Santo today

God bless you,

Thomas

Effective Christianity for Dummies

My bestseller "Effective Christianity for Dummies" is not out yet, but here's a preview for all ye loyal readers and supporters. So, you think you are a dummy as far as Christianity is concerned, but you don't want to remain one forever. What's the secret code? "Nebuchadnezzar"? Good try, but we don't do Arabian Nights here. You don't need any secret code.

For starters, the Apostle Peter has some tips for you. Read on.

1. Faith: being sure of what we hope for, being certain of what we don't see (Hebrews 11:1)

2. Goodness: Oh taste and see that Jehovah is good (Psalm 34:8)

3. Knowledge: The fear of Jehovah is the beginning of knowledge (Proverbs 1:7)

4. Self-control: But the fruit of the Spirit is ... self-control (Galatians 5:22-23)

5. Perseverance: I press on toward the goal unto the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:14)

6. Godliness: great is the mystery of godliness; He who was manifested in the flesh, Justified in the spirit, Seen of angels, Preached among the nations, Believed on in the world, Received up in glory (1 Timothy 3:16)

7. Brotherly kindness: be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, even as God also in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32)

8. Love: Love suffereth long, [and] is kind; love envieth not; love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not its own, is not provoked, taketh not account of evil; rejoiceth not in unrighteousness, but rejoiceth with the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Love never faileth (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

Courtesy of 2 Peter 1:5-8

Well, I hear you mutter "8 steps seem like a mighty tall order, taller than the Tower of Babel. Anything easier? Don't forget, I am a dummy afterall" The good news is: there is.

Hear it from Jesus Himself:

Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." Matthew 22:37-40

Short & sweet.

God bless you,
Thomas

Fun stuff: King David dived off San Fruttuoso, Italy?

Psalm 139:9-10 "If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me."

Source: http://www.riservaportofino.it/en/sanfruttuoso.htm

I almost fell backwards when I stumbled upon the Christ of the Abysses (see right) while browsing through a picture book on diving with my daughters yesterday morning. I instantly recalled Psalm 139:9-10 which I read exactly 10 days ago. King David said that even if he had gone to the deepest parts of the sea, he would encounter God there.

Encounter God (to be precise, a statue of Christ) he sure would, if he had dived off San Fruttuoso in Italy.

But I don't think he did that.

King David was not known to be an avid diver. Besides, he would have been around 2940 years old if he was to have seen the Christ of the Abysses off San Fruttuoso's waters, and I don't think he could qualify for a diving license at that age.

Nonetheless, what King David wrote sure strikes a chord with us today. No matter where we go, there's nowhere that is out of God's reach, because He created everything in the first place.

Looking at this positively, we can be sure of God's guidance and protection, no matter where we are.

Let's take some time today to reflect on the wonders of this truth, and simply rest in the blessed assurance of God's everlasting and everywhere presence.

May God bless you, readers.

Thomas

Category: cf_fn, cf_tht