The Family Lunch

I can't recall when was the last time we actually ate and chatted heartily with each other as a family. It could be a first, and we are so thankful that it happened, especially when Willy and I are already fathers of young kids and dad is already in his seventies.

Left to right: Willy, Lawrence, Mom, me and Dad at Wah Lok Restaurant, Carlton Hotel.

I was motivated partly by an email from a friend about spending time alone with mom this Mother's Day. Instead of spending time alone with mom, why not spend time alone as a family, something which we may not even have done up to this point in time? It was a thrilling, yet scary thought.

For those who don't know us, we are a family with little to say to each other, from the time my brothers and I were kids. Perhaps it's because dad himself, who carved a career in the army, is a man of few words. We grew up with the idea that it's not appropriate to talk over meals. Eat what we need to, clean up and go do our homework was a routine we became familiar with. As we grew up, there were rarely occasions when we sat down as a family and talked. If we did, it was probably one of us being disciplined, or some argument broke out.

That's why such a thought was so scary. What would we say to each other? Would there be an awkward silence? Would we get chided for coming up with such a silly idea?

Anyway, 3 nights before Sat, on the day I received the email from my friend, I SMSed my brothers about this idea. The answers came back promptly - "why not?". So, we went about planning for this adhoc family lunch. Lawrence suggested various eateries, while Willy and I told our spouses and children that we will be away by ourselves for this little gathering.

On Fri, the eve of this lunch, Dad wanted to call it off when our 3rd Aunt, whom we called "Mama", couldn't join us because of prior commitments. Willy had earlier suggested asking her along, to which we said "why not?" since she's been a mom to us from the time we were kids. Perhaps it was a good thing that she couldn't join us so that we could really face each other as a family - dad, mom and the three of us siblings, and in the process, the "demons" which have haunted us for so many years.

I woke up early on Sat morning to write a letter of thanksgiving for mom and dad. It almost felt like my first date with my wife. I spent so much time searching for the right words to use, reading and re-reading the letters, that by the time I was done, it was almost time to leave for the lunch. I had arranged for Willy to pick my parents from their place, and I made my way to my parents' place so that at least there would be 4 of us in the car to "warm-up and chit-chat" before the actual lunch.

On the way there, Dad and Mom argued about the Christian faith, as usual. Dad has this thing against Christianity. Perhaps he finds us naive, or even foolish. Anyway, instead of saying something, I kept quiet and so did Willy. After a while, the argument went away as suddenly as it came. Then Mom griped about the way Willy drove, asking him to be more patient. That didn't help. I was beginning to wonder what will happen at the actual lunch.

When we finally arrived at Wah Lok, Carlton Hotel, Lawrence was already there. We settled down and ordered tim-sum. That's when I saw God answering my prayers. My fears were totally unfounded. Abandoned to each other, at a round table over simple tim-sum dishes, we chatted like any typical family, so different from the one we knew, and excited to be in each other's company. For once, Dad did not even chide us for wasting money on fanciful restaurant meals like this. He even ordered dessert with the rest of us.

Dad and Mom, after dessert.

As for us, the 3 brothers, we were glad that we took time to make this happen. Lawrence mentioned that we were in danger of drifting apart, and I agree with him, since Willy and I are both busy with career and family, and I have additional commitments as a Sunday School teacher and volunteer with The Singapore Association for the Deaf, while Lawrence has his own pursuits. Having experienced this, and overcome our unspoken fears of not being able to relate as a family, we are confident that we can rebuild bonds that were not given the room to blossom in those years gone by.

3 of us brothers.

There's certainly more that we can and wish to look forward to.

From my personal standpoint, I say God is truly gracious, and I feel so blessed that He has made all these possible. I don't know how my dad and mom feel after reading those letters, but what matters most is that I have been able to tell them, on behalf of my brothers as well, that we love them.

Thomas