Saturday, April 22, 2006

My Child is deaf! What can I do?

The following is my speech for the above-titled forum to be held at Grand Copthorne Waterfront Hotel today. This forum is organized by Mount Elizabeth Hospital.

Good afternoon ladies & gentlemen, boys & girls. It's my pleasure to be here with you today, speaking as a person who's deaf. I will share more about myself as I go along.

Most of you are here for your child. You want to know how you can help or support your child. You want to understand what your child needs are and how these needs can be met. That's one of the most important things to begin with - to give your child the love and support that he or she needs.

Unlike some other forms of physical disabilities, deafness affects a person beyond the physical realm. It strikes at the very foundation of all human interactions - the ability to communicate effectively. A child who's deaf needs help & motivation to build up the necessary foundation in spoken and written communication early in life. Hearing and speaking don't come easily for a deaf child and the child may not understand why it is important to keep at it. As adults, we will, however, understand that communication is a basic building block for learning and interaction which will shape the child further as he or she develops. Without a strong foundation in communication, I personally feel that a child may grow up shortchanged in many areas later in life, including a good command of language and social skills.

Thinking back, when I started to lose my hearing from the age of 3, life went on as usual for me. I was sent to a mainstream kindergarten and primary school because back in the 70s, my parents had not known or thought that I would need other options.

I had my challenges back then, such as failing in my dictation tests. Although I had a letter from a specialist to sit in front of the class, it didn't help much when the teacher walked all over the classroom. I also missed out an announcement for a spelling test in Primary One and as a result, you know what happened. However, being exposed to a hearing environment since young kept me on the lookout for ways to overcome limitations that are imposed by deafness on communication. I learned to face the source of sound, especially speech. I lip-read most of the time and I consider this an advantage because it allows me to focus on the expression of the speaker, thus taking in non-verbal cues which complete a conversation. I also read a lot as a child and was especially strong in written communication. This proved to be handy later in life at junior college and university levels, and even more so in today's world where most business communication takes place through email, instant messages and even SMS.

Every case of deafness is unique in its own way. Some people are born deaf; others, like me, become deaf later in life. I have had profound hearing loss in both ears for between 16 and 30 years, and I rely on a pair of hearing aids in all my waking hours. Drawing from my personal experience, I believe it's important to make the best use of what a person has, especially residual hearing, to communicate effectively. By maximizing a child’s abilities to communicate and relate to people, you are helping the child transcend the limiting effects of deafness.

As a deaf person, I have been overcompensated in many wonderful ways. Being deaf has taught me to be extremely focused and disciplined. Before any discussion or meeting, I would prepare myself by reading up & clarifying on relevant information. Likewise, after each meeting, I will read the minutes and notes taken to ensure that I have not misunderstood anything. In other words, I do my due diligence in ensuring that I have understood and been understood correctly.

I have also learnt to be flexible and to adapt well to changing circumstances. For instance, I use different hearing aids for different situations. In a small meeting room that’s relatively quiet, I would use a digital hearing aid that gives me a better quality of sound. In a noisier and open environment, I would use an analog hearing aid that allows me to adjust the volume to a suitable level. Similarly when I am expected to be on the phone for long, I use an in-the-ear hearing aid for maximum comfort or when I am doing teleconferencing, I put the phone on speaker. I still don’t catch every word that’s being said but I generally do well in understanding most conversations with the help of lip-reading, body language, and a keen observation of the speaker.

Earlier in my school days, I taped down lectures and replay them to ensure that I catch the essence of the lectures. I also had study groups with good friends outside of school hours where we discuss and exchange thoughts on what we have learnt.

I learnt from young that no man is an island. I was as much a good friend to my friends as they were to me. I was always ready to help in areas that I am strong in, and in turn received much help & encouragement from my friends. A group of good friends in the university made a big impact on my life. Those were the days when things were moving very fast, and with so many things to juggle, such as studies, projects, hostel activities, etc, being deaf certainly didn’t help much. Thankfully, a strong friendship and our common faith saw me through those 3 years.

The family that I grew up in did not give me any special support, except love. My parents were proud of me although they don’t say it, and my younger siblings looked up to me. As the eldest son in my family, I just felt that I had to lead and show a good example to my brothers, deaf or otherwise. In the words of Nike, I just go out there and DO IT.

Speaking of Nike, my father was an inspiration to me. He overcame a bad case of high blood pressure to become a top marathon runner in the region. For years, he was sponsored by Nike, winning competitions in various parts of the world. His discipline, focus, and determination were an example for me. Although he didn’t say much, he taught me through his actions.

As parents, the best you can do for your child is to love and support him or her. You may not fully understand the challenges and frustrations that your child faces, but you can support your child by being an “overcomer” yourself and in believing in your child.

Being deaf does not mean less, whether in terms of capabilities, opportunities, potential, or quality of life. I may be here today as a role model, but your child will be one tomorrow.

To round off, I would like to show you a short video clip featuring various deaf persons who are “overcomers” in their own right, a people with dreams, hopes and aspirations.


Click here for video

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