August 3rd 2007, Friday. Lunchtime.
Standing in the middle of the square, I was struggling to stay afloat in the sea of defeated emotions and negative thoughts when I turned and saw you walking in my direction. Your stride was casual and confident as it has always been. That signature smile of yours lit up your face. As usual, your greeting started with a tease. Although our exchange was brief, it was enough to strike at the core of a heart which had hardened with every encounter of frustration and disappointment. I have grown increasingly critical of those around me at the workplace, which led to a series of bad behaviour and a slew of swearwords. Da Guo calls it, "PMT". Whatever name it goes by, both evils were causing me to sink deeper into despair. Frustrated, angry and exhausted; I had come to the end of myself when I bumped into you. At that very instant, I felt like a child again; lost, vulnerable, open. I almost always bumped into you at my lowest point. I was reminded that life anywhere is about people, about relationships, about Him. And in my growing frustration and disappointment, I have lost sight of that. With remorse weighing upon my heart, I wrote to you. Evening arrived, I shut down my PC and went home. The weekend came. I asked the LORD for forgiveness. Monday. A reply. Tuesday. One thing led to another and Da Guo told you of my "PMT". Unbeknown to you, your reply to me cracked the hardened walls of my heart and slain the monster in me. I couldn't stop the tears from falling, so I crawled under the desk. Da Guo called it "altar call". Later that day, Nanc, too dropped me a note. With the "Three Magi" calling on me on the same day, I knew it was time to get over myself. As though hearing it for the first time, perhaps I finally understood how the Apostle Paul might have felt in how he addressed his epistles to the churches in Asia Minor, "I thank my God upon every remembrance of you". See Philippians 1:3; Colossians 1:3; 1 Thessalonians 1:2. And I, the Three Magi no less.
August 12th 2007, Sabbath. Midnight.
There are times in life when we mess up. Periods when circumstances and relationships turn sour. Moments when life just falls apart and drags us down with it. Yet life goes on and we have to learn to adopt new mindsets and aptitudes to keep at it. Perhaps it will do us good to realise and accept that no one is perfect and we will make mistakes. When we fail ourselves, others or God; remaining in the scene of mistake and guilt is the least of options. Lying ahead is the rest of our lives, and also possibilities and hope of restoration, renewal and breakthroughs. Yet " I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed. I remember it all - oh, how well I remember - the feeling of hitting the bottom. But there's one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope: GOD's loyal love couldn't have run out, his merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created new every morning. How great your faithfulness! I'm sticking with GOD (I say it over and over). He's all I've got left. GOD proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It's a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from GOD. It's a good thing when you're young to stick it out through the hard times. When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face. The "worst" is never the worst. Why? Because the Master won't ever walk out and fail to return. Lamentations 3:21-33 The Message.
The Eternal God is (our) refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms. Deuteronomy 33:27a NKJV.
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