It's a difficult thing to do but in the interest of our working together, I had better be open about things.
Most of you may not know that I am almost totally deaf. The hearing in my right ear deteriorated from the age of 5 and by the age of 10, I could only hear with my left ear. By the time I reach Secondary School, the hearing in my left ear was going too and I was told to wear a hearing aid. In the last couple of years, the hearing in my left ear has deteriorated further, and even with a new and more powerful hearing aid, I am unable to hear well. At the same time, my speech has been affected and over the last few years, speaking clearly and fluently has become a challenge as well.
I don't have the answer to my personal struggles or whether things will become better or worse. But while I am still part of this team, may I ask of a few favours from you in our interaction. You will probably find these comments useful in your interaction with other deaf people if you come across them in your life in future:
- Try to speak clearly and slowly to me and look at me when we are talking. I need to read lips to understand what you are saying. You don't have to deliberately speak loudly though. Try not to call me from behind or from my right.
- Noisy places like canteen is out for me when it comes to discussion. I cannot hear and therefore respond intelligently. If we can, I would prefer to discuss in a quiet meeting room, one to one.
- In a group meeting, if you can, try not to talk at the same time, as I can at most catch remnants of what each is trying to say, and that sometimes don't add up to a coherent thought, which explains why I need to stare intently at each of you, and for most of the time, I reserve comments until after the meeting, when I have clarified with those who have spoken. When I don't laugh at your jokes, it's not because it isn't funny but probably because I didn't catch what you say.
- Using the telephone is a challenge for me, more so the mobile phone. The hearing aid, unlike the natural ear, gives a "feedback" sound like what you hear in radio talkshows when the caller's phone is near the radio. By now, most of you would have heard the shrilling sound that comes from my hearing aid. if possible, may I ask that you SMS or email me, or let me know to call you back from a quiet place. By the way, some of you ask me why I have a piece of cotton wool over my mobile - it's to reduce the "feedback".
- I am not unfriendly, in fact, I laugh a lot at home and in church when I do children programmes. Because facial movements associated with smiling or laughing dislodge the hearing aid from its position, I have not much choice but to refrain from smiling, and speak with minimal movement of my cheeks. Take heart, I do have a sense of humour and can share a side-splitting joke or two.
- Email is the best form of communication for me. If you can follow-up your thoughts in a discussion with an email, it will help me understand things better, and I can respond in a comprehensive manner, not missing out on anything. If you are a "pick up the phone and talk" or "come to the desk and talk" person, may I request that you either give me an email before hand or after the session, so that I can respond coherently.
- Sorry if I have to make you repeat what you say, but it's not a choice that I have. See above point on email to so that you need not repeat so many times.
- I may not respond to things said immediately because I need to verify what I have heard is what's being said. It's not that I am unhelpful, without thought, or comment.
Having said this, I hope I am not imposing on you too much. When I decided to pursue a normal education and work in a hearing world, I know there are obstacles that I need to overcome, such as struggling with basic things like oral and tele-communication. With proper support from the team, I, or for that matter, any person with disabilities, can be an asset.
I am like a rusty can of Coke. I don't look impressive on the outside, am usually quiet, and work alone. But try shaking a little, and open the can, you will see the same gush of ideas like any other clean new can of Coke. It’s the real thing.
Thanks and regards,
Thomas Tan
Editor's note: This email was sent to everyone in the company I worked for, an IBM subsidiary. Back then, I was the manager for professional services and a solution architect. Face-to-face meetings, phone calls and teleconferences made up a big portion of my daily routine. It was after a series of frustrating, productivity-impacting experiences that I decided to write this memo. Following the memo, I received encouraging emails - from my General Manager and fellow colleagues. Whether things changed significantly or not, I cannot tell for sure, but certainly, I felt instantly more at ease relating to my colleagues. For instance, they no longer feel strange why I always choose to move to their right (so that I can hear from my left ear, which is the better one), or why I like to stand when I am addressing a group, even in a small meeting room (so that I can watch and observe everyone when I am speaking). Many colleagues became firm friends till today. I may have sent this letter in desperation, but I got more than what I bargained for by the grace of God.
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