Suppose one of you has a friend, and he goes to him at midnight and says, 'Friend, lend me three loaves of bread, because a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have nothing to set before him.' "Then the one inside answers, 'Don't bother me. The door is already locked, and my children are with me in bed. I can't get up and give you anything.' I tell you, though he will not get up and give him the bread because he is his friend, yet because of the man's boldness he will get up and give him as much as he needs.
"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. "Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!" (Luke 11:5-13)
In today's market economy, the art of asking is almost extinct. Imagine yourself in the above situation. Would you knock on your neighbour's door to borrow bread? Chances are that, you won't. Most Singaporeans won't even know their neighbour's names, let alone knock on their doors at midnight and risk being sued for harassment. So, what you will do is to get the car, drive your friend to the nearest 24-hour roti prata & nasi brani shop, MacDonalds, or whatever, and just sup there. Actually, in the very first place, your friend probably wouldn't come and trouble you; he would have checked in the nearest hotel.
You see, in a modern society that preaches economic independence, it's almost always about purchasing power. Money talks, and it has been said that money makes the world go round. Today, people seldom ask for things if it's something they can buy. We don't seem to like the idea of having to be grateful or indebted to someone. So if we want something, we pay for it, and case closed.
I remember in the 70s and 80s, my mom, who has only one or two years of formal education, lived the art of asking. As a housewife with little education, she had no qualms about asking for help when she needed it, and that happened very often. She had sought help from neighbours or us (her children) to read letters, asked people for directions, exchanged newspapers daily (English for Chinese) with neighbours so that everyone got to read both sets, borrowed eggs and ginger from neighbours, and so on. She was never ashamed of asking for help, and was ever-ready to offer help to anyone who had needs. Through the simple art of asking, she built strong friendship over the decades with her neighbours, hawkers in the wet market, and neighbourhood shopkeepers.
Asking is an art that doesn't come easily to adults in the knowledge-based and new economy. It has to do with something called "pride". Most are too proud to ask, preferring a cloak of "all-knowingness" or simply buying their way through if they need anything. Asking requires humility, whilst buying or demanding don't. Asking is subject to the willingness of the party being asked, whilst buying or demanding comes with a "take it or leave it" attitude.
Asking is therefore an emotional exercise that comes from acknowledging that we need help and to approach someone for that help. Frankly, for most, it's easier to just pay for things over the counter, or simply skip it, than to ask.
Ironically, we are born "askers" because once upon a time, as newborn babies, we didn't know anything and we didn't earn anything. As kids, we asked and received, or faced rejection as part of life. It's the only thing we were capable of doing since we didn't wield any kind of power (financial, position, or authority) to buy or demand our way through (well, maybe some kids are able to demand their way & manipulate their parents and maids like puppets on strings, but that's another story). Sadly, by the time a child becomes a little financially independent & more knowledgeable, possibly from secondary school onwards, he starts to lose the art of asking for various reasons. One oft-quoted reason is paiseh, or Hokkien for "shameful". People feel shameful to ask. "Askers" are often despised or looked down upon in our society. They are deemed to be less competent, below average, lacking merit or even irresponsible.
Yet, even the most powerful organ in Singapore, the Government, has to ask for support and mandate from voters in the coming General Elections 2006. It will do us well to go back to basics and learn how to ask more. It's painful to ask and requires us first to humble ourselves and expect rejection, but it makes us a more compassionate person at the end of the day. When we ask and receive, we learn to see the needs of others through the same experiences we have had. We learn how to emphatize with the have-nots and are more ready to help because we have been undeserving recipients of help ourselves.
As believers, know that our heavenly Father delights in hearing from His children. Unlike earthly fathers who sometimes get so caught up in their own business that they brush off the "pestering" kids, Jesus has said that God is ever-ready to help us if we only ask and believe. As in most genuine relationships, you cannot buy your way or earn points for privileges from God. With God, there is no first class, business class, economy class or now, budget class. Everyone is a sinner, undeserving of His grace and mercy, and needing His forgiveness. It will do us well to remember that we can do nothing except to come to His presence in humility and repentance. It is in this relationship that one realizes that asking cannot be dispensed with.
So, try asking sometimes.
Have a great long weekend, enjoy the election rallies, and God bless,
Thomas
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