Tears in her eyes

It was a regrettable incident.

Moments earlier, I flared up at her because she had not drank all the water in her bottle. And she was feverish.

My daughter Rachel is 3. Most people say she looks like me and even behaves like me. I see a mirror image in her when it comes to temperament. Both of us sometimes find it hard to get over things which upset us.

I came home from work, upset about the lack of results. It's 2 days to the end of the quarter and 2 of the major deals which I have expected to close have not come in yet. I was also upset by the big bills for this month. Common worries for the head of the household, it may seem. But I lost my cool when Rachel insisted on eating, despite having taken a full dinner and some extras. I raised my voice at her, told her off for being disobedient. I made her eat grapes instead.

There were tears in her eyes. She bravely wiped them off and softened her sobs while she ate grapes in front of me. It was a moment of chastening for her. 3 years old, facing an angry father, but I can sense a tower of strength in her.

Later just before bedtime, she threw tantrums. When I went into the bedroom, she was all quiet. Tears were sparkling at the corner of her eyes. She looked at me, blinked a few times, and wiped the tears away. She turned to hug her bolster and was soon asleep.

I wonder what were her thoughts before she slept. Did she sleep with a heavy and downcast heart? Did she feel helpless in front of an unsymphathetic father? Did she feel rejected, when moments earlier, she held up her artwork for me to see, and I was too absorbed in my negative mood to give her a proper acknowledgment?

Regrets.

Although a father to Rachel, I am myself a child in God's eyes. I have always sought His love and approval. How dejected I would have felt if I sense a rejection from my Heavenly Father.

Father in heaven,

Forgive me for my trespasses, in particular, my sin towards Rachel. What she needed from me was love and affirmation, not a scolding triggered by my own negativeness. Help me do what is right from now on.

In Jesus' name,
Amen.

Category: Sounding Board, cf_