Getting negative thoughts out of your mind

I was really depressed last night and this morning.

It was over some argument between Veron and I. I saw the argument as the final blow to fell the oak. Like any husband and wife, we have had many arguments before, but each time, I was able to cool off real soon, as I don't believe in letting the sun go down in our anger, which is what the Bible teaches anyway.

However, yesterday, I got so mad that I stormed off the house, something I have never done before. It was drizzling, and 15 minutes past 11pm. I would have been sleeping soundly after a long day, if I wasn't awakened by Veron to answer her charges.

I walked and walked in the drizzle, until the streets were nearly void of traffic and people. I thought about our argument. It was just plain folly; it's not a big issue that we argued over, but which casts doubts on my sincerity towards helping Veron. I sometimes wish I have the same patience in dealing with petty arguments, as I do waiting for the right timing from the Lord. I shouldn't have stormed off. But I am glad it happened, because it gave me space and time to think. I was angry, upset and disappointed. If not for my thoughts about Veron, and my 2 daughters Deborah and Rachel, I would have asked God to take me home.

After 2 hours of wandering in the now quiet neighbourhood, I came home, to be questioned yet again by Veron. None of us slept well, and again this morning, we argued about sending the kids to school, and whether we should bring Rachel to the clinic. I guess it's a spillover effect of not resolving the argument last night. I tried to sleep but could not. Then I got up to write a letter to Veron. As I shared my feelings about all these arguments, I began to realize that I love her and the kids very much. God has given them to me, and I would never want to leave them before God's appointed time for me.

I thank God for waking me up out of all the initial negative thoughts which I had. If God loves me so much that he will never leave me or forsake me, I guess I can say the same about my love towards my wife and children.

Thank you, God, for being patient with me. For allowing me to air my thoughts, however negative they may be, and then directing me to the thoughts which are positive and constructive. For turning every bad situation into a good one. For loving me.

May God bless you too.

Category: Sounding Board, cf_